The Gay Marine

It's been a few days since I've had a close encounter but believe me it was well worth the wait. Our story starts with a Marine who we will call Brandon. Brandon, like many other service members, was deployed to Iraq for and extended period of time (around 7 months). Well Brandon also has a girlfriend who for the sake of argument we will call Jenn. When it was almost time for Brandon to come home, he called Jenn to tell her what his plans were. She asked him one simple question, "Are you ready to come home to see me?" Simple question for the average male. But to the average GAY MARINE, it's VERY complicated. So his reply was "Uh, I dunno."

Let's talk about our story so far. Any straight man who's been deployed for an extened amount of time will NORMALLY be ready to come home and see his woman! Being surrounded by a bunch of guys for a while, you kinda begin to miss female companionship in EVERY way=). This is the FIRST reason why I say this Marine is gay. Let's continue on...

Brandon comes home and his girlfriend is trying to spend time with him. Well, one night Brandon calls Jenn and he wants her to come up to the base and spend time with the other Marine wives while he and the other macho Marines go FLOUNDER GIGGING! For anyone who don't know what gigging consists of, I'll explain it. A gig is a stick with a prong at the end, kinda like a fork. Normally used for FROG gigging. Flounder gigging is basically the same, you go out and try to stick flounders with this gig. Time for another evaluation.....

Why in the world would someone who's been away from his woman for a while, call her and tell her to spend time with the wives of his friends (whom she don't really like) while he goes out on a boat with the same people he saw everyday for like 7 months?!? Let's see, spend time with someone I saw everyday for 7 months OR spend time with my WOMAN! WOW for a STRAIGHT man the choice is simple. Reason #2. Keep reading it gets better.

About a week later another bit of information about Brandon and Jenn's relationship comes out. It appears that this macho Marine does not want to shower with his woman!! According to my source, he calls his shower time "private time." What the fuck!?! A guy who's been showering with a bunch of dudes for a while now, doesn't want a naked woman in the shower with him! What in the world is he doing in the shower for it to be "private time" and keep his girlfriend away??? I've drawn my own conclusions about what he does, and none of them is anything a staight male in America would do. So this would be Reason #3 why I think this macho Marine is flaming like a gasoline soaked tennis ball flying through hell.

No other time has the joke for the Marines been so true than now. MARINE stands for Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential. Well in this case, another phrase fits, FUCKING GAY! So to all the Marines out there who would rather be with their MALE friends after spending months on end with them in a desert country rather than spending time with a woman, YOU are my close encounter with stupidity.