Well it's been a year since i started the blog. Yeah, sometimes I don't update for a month or so but that's ok. Well for the one year celebration, I started the podcast. So take a listen, leave comments and tell your friends. Here's the link:
http://closeencountersofthestupidkind.podomatic.com/enclosure/2006-08-14T21_51_00-07_00.mp3
I hope that works right.
Here's the podcast site if you wanna take a look at it. I need to work on it so don't judge quite yet!
http://closeencountersofthestupidkind.podomatic.com/
PS- The assholes decided to cut out my intro music!!!!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I-mail a.k.a Idiot Mail
So today I come home from work, sit down at the ol’ computer and see I have 34 emails. I become overwhelmed with a feeling of belonging in the world! I got 34 emails!!! I felt like I was DA MAN!
It seemed like it took FOREVER for Yahoo to log me in! The urgency to see who emailed me was almost more than I could stand! “HURRY UP!” I yelled at the computer as it seemed to take hours to load the page with my inbox listing. FINALLY, my inbox was presented to me and I just could not believe what I saw.
Out of 34 emails, one was from my blog saying Aparna left a comment (Thanks Aparna). Another one was a birthday reminder for someone. The other 32 made me want to go to the senders’ home, cover them with a million paper cuts and then douse them with rubbing alcohol! I don’t know why someone would send such crap through email! It made absolutely no sense!
I’m willing to read a good life lesson story as much as anyone. That’s what the first email was about. The story was great! It went on and on about how God talked to this man and he helped a poor family feed their infant baby! Great story! Then I got to the end of it and it said:
“God loves you! He sent is only son to die for us on the cross. If you do not send this email to 30 people in 5 minutes, you will not get into Heaven. You will be damned in eternity!”
Well, I know I’m not the most religious person in the world nor do I claim to be. But, the last time I read the Bible, I do not recall anything about God monitoring emails. I do not remember the 10 Commandments saying “Thou must sendeth emails in My name or suffer for all of eternity.” Nope, don’t recall that at all. Even in the book of Revelations there’s nothing in there that says “And those who refused to forwardeth Our Father’s emails were sent into Hell for eternity.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not in there.
So for everyone who continues to forward that crap, take a step back and ask yourself one question “Does God really have the internet in Heaven?” My guess would be no. If he does, that would be the biggest Wi-Fi hotspot ever!! And besides, how would you go about finding God’s REAL email address if he had one?! It’s hard to get movie star’s real email addresses and they’re mere mortals!!
I know so far in this post I sound like an atheist or something but I’m not. I believe in God and I believe everything in the Bible! I do believe that God knows everything about everything. I just find it hard to believe God would send someone to hell for not sending an email to X number of people in X amount of time. I can’t digest that!
Another type of email that really makes no sense at all are the ones that say “If you do not send this to everyone you know, you will never have sex again! You will have to masturbate to get any sexual pleasure and even that won’t be good! You will never have a girlfriend or boyfriend and you will die miserable and lonely.”
I KNOW for sure that’s not true! I’ve always gotten emails like that and just deleted them. I’ve had relationships and I’ve had sex (not always in that particular order). Even when I masturbate it’s good! I know how I like it and deleting an email won’t make me forget how to do it! So if you believe that type of crap you are obviously not confident in your abilities to please yourself or others!
So this post is dedicated to everyone who believes that God is sending out emails and if you do not forward them you will burn in hell. This goes out to everyone who is so afraid of not having sex or a relationship because they deleted an email. This is for everyone who really believes Bill Gates is gonna give everyone who forwards a certain email $10 for everyone they send it to! Everyone who thinks that a hospital will get 10 cents for every person an email is sent to, to help pay for the surgery that will give a baby a chance at life! You’re ignorant and stupid if you believe that crap and if you constantly send your idiot mail (i-mail for short)! You should be poked with a sharp pointed stick as you cower in a dark corner! One more thing you should be, my close encounter of the stupid kind! OH! WAIT! You are!
It seemed like it took FOREVER for Yahoo to log me in! The urgency to see who emailed me was almost more than I could stand! “HURRY UP!” I yelled at the computer as it seemed to take hours to load the page with my inbox listing. FINALLY, my inbox was presented to me and I just could not believe what I saw.
Out of 34 emails, one was from my blog saying Aparna left a comment (Thanks Aparna). Another one was a birthday reminder for someone. The other 32 made me want to go to the senders’ home, cover them with a million paper cuts and then douse them with rubbing alcohol! I don’t know why someone would send such crap through email! It made absolutely no sense!
I’m willing to read a good life lesson story as much as anyone. That’s what the first email was about. The story was great! It went on and on about how God talked to this man and he helped a poor family feed their infant baby! Great story! Then I got to the end of it and it said:
“God loves you! He sent is only son to die for us on the cross. If you do not send this email to 30 people in 5 minutes, you will not get into Heaven. You will be damned in eternity!”
Well, I know I’m not the most religious person in the world nor do I claim to be. But, the last time I read the Bible, I do not recall anything about God monitoring emails. I do not remember the 10 Commandments saying “Thou must sendeth emails in My name or suffer for all of eternity.” Nope, don’t recall that at all. Even in the book of Revelations there’s nothing in there that says “And those who refused to forwardeth Our Father’s emails were sent into Hell for eternity.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not in there.
So for everyone who continues to forward that crap, take a step back and ask yourself one question “Does God really have the internet in Heaven?” My guess would be no. If he does, that would be the biggest Wi-Fi hotspot ever!! And besides, how would you go about finding God’s REAL email address if he had one?! It’s hard to get movie star’s real email addresses and they’re mere mortals!!
I know so far in this post I sound like an atheist or something but I’m not. I believe in God and I believe everything in the Bible! I do believe that God knows everything about everything. I just find it hard to believe God would send someone to hell for not sending an email to X number of people in X amount of time. I can’t digest that!
Another type of email that really makes no sense at all are the ones that say “If you do not send this to everyone you know, you will never have sex again! You will have to masturbate to get any sexual pleasure and even that won’t be good! You will never have a girlfriend or boyfriend and you will die miserable and lonely.”
I KNOW for sure that’s not true! I’ve always gotten emails like that and just deleted them. I’ve had relationships and I’ve had sex (not always in that particular order). Even when I masturbate it’s good! I know how I like it and deleting an email won’t make me forget how to do it! So if you believe that type of crap you are obviously not confident in your abilities to please yourself or others!
So this post is dedicated to everyone who believes that God is sending out emails and if you do not forward them you will burn in hell. This goes out to everyone who is so afraid of not having sex or a relationship because they deleted an email. This is for everyone who really believes Bill Gates is gonna give everyone who forwards a certain email $10 for everyone they send it to! Everyone who thinks that a hospital will get 10 cents for every person an email is sent to, to help pay for the surgery that will give a baby a chance at life! You’re ignorant and stupid if you believe that crap and if you constantly send your idiot mail (i-mail for short)! You should be poked with a sharp pointed stick as you cower in a dark corner! One more thing you should be, my close encounter of the stupid kind! OH! WAIT! You are!
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