The Gay Marine

It's been a few days since I've had a close encounter but believe me it was well worth the wait. Our story starts with a Marine who we will call Brandon. Brandon, like many other service members, was deployed to Iraq for and extended period of time (around 7 months). Well Brandon also has a girlfriend who for the sake of argument we will call Jenn. When it was almost time for Brandon to come home, he called Jenn to tell her what his plans were. She asked him one simple question, "Are you ready to come home to see me?" Simple question for the average male. But to the average GAY MARINE, it's VERY complicated. So his reply was "Uh, I dunno."

Let's talk about our story so far. Any straight man who's been deployed for an extened amount of time will NORMALLY be ready to come home and see his woman! Being surrounded by a bunch of guys for a while, you kinda begin to miss female companionship in EVERY way=). This is the FIRST reason why I say this Marine is gay. Let's continue on...

Brandon comes home and his girlfriend is trying to spend time with him. Well, one night Brandon calls Jenn and he wants her to come up to the base and spend time with the other Marine wives while he and the other macho Marines go FLOUNDER GIGGING! For anyone who don't know what gigging consists of, I'll explain it. A gig is a stick with a prong at the end, kinda like a fork. Normally used for FROG gigging. Flounder gigging is basically the same, you go out and try to stick flounders with this gig. Time for another evaluation.....

Why in the world would someone who's been away from his woman for a while, call her and tell her to spend time with the wives of his friends (whom she don't really like) while he goes out on a boat with the same people he saw everyday for like 7 months?!? Let's see, spend time with someone I saw everyday for 7 months OR spend time with my WOMAN! WOW for a STRAIGHT man the choice is simple. Reason #2. Keep reading it gets better.

About a week later another bit of information about Brandon and Jenn's relationship comes out. It appears that this macho Marine does not want to shower with his woman!! According to my source, he calls his shower time "private time." What the fuck!?! A guy who's been showering with a bunch of dudes for a while now, doesn't want a naked woman in the shower with him! What in the world is he doing in the shower for it to be "private time" and keep his girlfriend away??? I've drawn my own conclusions about what he does, and none of them is anything a staight male in America would do. So this would be Reason #3 why I think this macho Marine is flaming like a gasoline soaked tennis ball flying through hell.

No other time has the joke for the Marines been so true than now. MARINE stands for Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential. Well in this case, another phrase fits, FUCKING GAY! So to all the Marines out there who would rather be with their MALE friends after spending months on end with them in a desert country rather than spending time with a woman, YOU are my close encounter with stupidity.

What's Really Going On!?

A few weeks ago, I got a letter in the mail from my bank. They sent me a new check card and explained that the Visa account numbers had been jeopardized by some hackers and that they issuing out new cards and canceling the old ones. I thought this was pretty cool, at least they're looking out for the customers. The letter stated that the old cards would be automatically canceled on Aug. 23 and that the new cards had to be activated by calling the toll-free number provided. Since my old card was gonna be canceled the tomorrow, I decided it was time to activate the new card. I called the number and had it activated. NOTHING was said about my old card and the lady told me that my new card would be ready for use at 9 AM tomorrow morning. No big deal I thought to myself, I still have my old one incase I need access to money between tomorrow morning and now.

Needless to say, I needed money for a late night meal at McDonald's. I went to the ATM machine with my old card in hand ready to get money to eat with. The ATM basically laughed at me when it said that I needed to contact my financial institution. Words cannot describe the PISStility that ran through my body! Why in the world would they cancel my old card when my new one won't work until 9 AM tomorrow!? Can someone please tell my why in the world would a bank leave a customer with no access to their money!? I've already ran this by a few people and they can't eplain it either. So to that bank of mine, you are my SECOND close encounter of the stupid kind today! Congratulations!!

I Quit!

Today, I quit my job. I called up the place that I was working and asked to speak to the manager. The manager that I talked to seemed like he had some common sense whenever I worked with him. I was talking to him and told him "I'm gonna quit." His response to the news was a simple "Quit what?" I paused for a second thinking that it would eventually sink in. After about 3-5 seconds I slowly said "I'm quitting work." It was like I had to break down "I quit" to someone so they could understand it! I was shocked! I mean, what do you do in a situation like that. How do you break down 2 simple words to someone who is suppose to have at LEAST a high school education? Well in this case, it really doesn't matter how much education he has because today he was my close encounter of the stupid kind!

Leave a Message Please!

Recently I've had problems with people calling my cell phone or my home phone and not leaving a message on the answering machine or in the voice mail. That's what I have them for! When I can't get to the phone, I wanna know why you called! If it's important, I WILL CALL BACK! If you call just to say hi, leave a message that says hi!

The thing that really gets me is when people call and listen to the phone fing 4-6 times, listen to the whole asnwering maching/voicemail message and then after they hear the beep.....they hang up! So then I have to go through and delete all those damn hang-ups! Why listen to all that if you know you're just going to hang up after the beep!? It makes absolutely no sense to me. That is why everytime one of those idiots call me and I have to go through and delete like 5 hangup voicemails, I wanna go over to their house and beat them in the face with a blunt object! So to everyone who feels like they're on the spot when they read this, it's people like you that give the rest of us close encounters of the stupid kind!

I Think the Horse is Smarter

A friend of mine is dating this guy who is now the newest citizen of Stupidville! For some reasons unknown to anyone with a brain, this guy all of a sudden needed a horse or else he would die! Needless to say, he found someone willing to give him a hourse who lived 10 minutes away.

So far so good right? WRONG! He had no way of transporting the horse back home. He waited until the last minute to think about a horse trailer! So instead of leaving the horse there and finding a trailer to haul the horse in, he needed the damn thing so bad that he had someone hold the lead rope on the back of his truck while he drove VERY SLOW back to his house. At no time did he break 4 mph. It took him 2 1/2 hours on a drive that would have normally took 10 minutes!

So the common sense thing to do would have been to plan all this out BEFORE doing anything. Why would anyone get something and have no REASONABLE way to transport it!?!? Maybe I'm the stupid one and everyone else is sane. I dunno. I personally think that waiting to get a trailer to haul the horse in would have been a great idea! Someone else thought differently. I've had an encounter......an encounter of the stupid kind!

The Farmer John Driver

Yesterday on my way to school, I got behind a old model Ford pickup. I could tell that the driver was an older man, maybe in his 50's or 60's. Around here, you are able to pick out a person who has farmed most if not all of his life and I could tell this was one of those people. As we drove down the road, I started getting irritated because he was going 40mph in a 55 mph zone! Not only that but I could not pass because of the constant traffic coming the opposite direction. The driver of the pick up was constantly slowing down and speeding up and I noticed that he would slow down when he came to a field with some type of crop growing in it. He would slow down and look out at the crops in the fields. I thought to myself that maybe he was just riding around checking on his fields, no big deal.

This morning I started on my way to school traveling down the same road. Again I got behind that same Ford pickup and again he was going 45 mph in a 55 mph zone. He was doing the exact same thing, looking at the crops. Now I know I'm no farmer but how much can change with crops overnight!? It's not like they're gonna hit some magical growth spurt and be 3 feet taller the next day!? What is the purpose of Farmer John slowing my progress to school everyday just to look at the same crap he saw the day before?

To all the Farmer John drivers, SPEED UP because the crops have not changed since you saw them a few hours earlier! Today, Farmer John drivers are my close encounter with stupidity! For God's sake, SPEED UP! Look at your crops when you get ready to harvest them! Don't delay my arrivial to school!

Can Someone Please Help Me Understand?!?!

Just a moment ago, I checked the headlines on Yahoo! News. One partiular headline caught my eye. The aritcle, "Pardon Set for Black Woman Executed in '45". This article made absoulutely no sense to me. Why issue a pardon to someone who has already been executed? Yes, Lena Baker may have been innoncent but she has already been executed! We cannot bring her back no matter what we do! If all that needed to be done to make the family feel better was give them a proclimation, then give it to them! Why spend the taxpayers' money on the manpower to dig up all this information and issue a pardon but NOT finding the person in question innocent!?

Don't get me wrong, back in '45 it was all about race, Lena Baker was black and she was convicted by an all white jury so I can see an injustice. Does this mean that Georgia will be spending time and resources looking at other injustices that took place in the past? If so, will it only be injustices in which black were wronged?

I'm not tying to downplay this situation. My points are if you're gonna pardon someone whom you think is innocent then FIND THEM INNONCENT WITH THE PARDON, and if you're gonna go back and try to right the injustices of the past, then do it for ALL races not just one particular race. I am not a racist peson. I'm far from it! I have more black friends than I do white friends and I'm part Native American and have many Native American friends. Why don't the government go back and right all the Native Americans that's been wronged out of land!?

Please America, let's do something that makes sense for a change. Pardoning someone who has already been executed is kinda pointless especially if you don't find them innocent. Today, Georgia Board of Pardons is my close encounter with stupidity!

Welcome!

Well, I was inspired to start a blog about my encounters with stupid people for a while now but I've just now started doing the work. As the time goes on, I will have MANY stories about stupid people to share. Feel free to comment! Thanks!